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Missives Between Meulin Leijon and Dragonise Redglare
When a troll reached adulthood, certain expectations were put upon them.
It was expected that they would shed their childhood name, taking instead a grander moniker, such as Dualscar, or Mindfang.
It was expected that they devote the remainder of their lives to Her Imperious Condescension, serving her in whatever way suited them best. If not, they would become pirates, likely in some way serving The Grand Highblood of the Subjugglators. This was the fate of the teal-blooded neophyte who had recently reached adulthood; if she followed The Condesce, she would likely have been reduced to a civil servant, and be unable to pursue the justice she craved.
And most of all, it was expected that the troll in question shed their childhood friendships, moving away from all but the closest of allies. And even then, no respectable adult would be so much as seen pitying a troll of a lower blood caste.
Neophyte Dragonise Redglare's friendship with Meulin Leijon was an odd one.
I like the ancestors more than I think I should. Especially Neophyte Redglare. If dragon rider isn't a default state in a piece of fiction, then a character who is a dragon rider becomes automatically cool. Also, I think her possible relationship with The Signless was interesting. She wore his symbol (shown on page 4056), and an awful lot of red. That's interesting because Homestuck character design logic says that means she was close with him. I didn't really do that in this fic, but it's an interesting thought.
But also, the ancestors' relationships tend to mimic those of their descendants. Nepeta and Terezi are friends. Therefore, by that logic, The Disciple and Neophyte Redglare were probably close. Or, not probably, seeing as Equius and Nepeta are moirallegaiances, but their ancestors seem to have only interacted once. But still.
Dragonise is an alternate spelling of dragonize, and means either to turn into a dragon, or to guard attentively or watch over. Spinneret is the thing spider silk comes out of, so I figured that if Redglare had a first name, it'd be something with nine letters and some sort of correlation to something to do with her. Hence, Dragonise Redglare.
also formatting this was, as gamzee makara pre-whatever happened to him would say, "a MoThErFuCkInG nIgHtMaRe."
When a troll reached adulthood, certain expectations were put upon them.
It was expected that they would shed their childhood name, taking instead a grander moniker, such as Dualscar, or Mindfang.
It was expected that they devote the remainder of their lives to Her Imperious Condescension, serving her in whatever way suited them best. If not, they would become pirates, likely in some way serving The Grand Highblood of the Subjugglators. This was the fate of the teal-blooded neophyte who had recently reached adulthood; if she followed The Condesce, she would likely have been reduced to a civil servant, and be unable to pursue the justice she craved.
And most of all, it was expected that the troll in question shed their childhood friendships, moving away from all but the closest of allies. And even then, no respectable adult would be so much as seen pitying a troll of a lower blood caste.
Dragonise Redglare, as she had chosen to name herself, was, as mentioned, a teal-blood. She had been lucky; she was strong, and her lusus was far more powerful than most of the blue-green caste could dream of receiving. She had been practically set up for a bright future- at least, one brighter than most could hope for.
Meulin Leijon was a much more naive troll. An olive-blood, despite the caste being only two tiers down, would already be far below the notice of an average teal-blood. She held beliefs that greatly differed from those held by troll society, of kindness being deserved by even the lowliest rust-blood.
Ridiculous.
She hadn’t even updated her name to match her new stage in the life cycle.
But Dragonise pitied her. To leave Meulin Leijon to be culled like other weaklings was a far too cruel fate for such a soppy thing.
And, as such, it would be surprisingly difficult to give her the news.
“1 4m l34v1ng.”
“(=^33^=) < LATULA, THAT’S NOT FURNY.”
Meulin gave Dragonise a hurt look.
“1t’s not 4 jok3.”
Dragonise had spent enough time in the past few days correcting Meulin on her new name that at this point, she couldn’t be bothered.
“1’ve b33n r3cru1t3d. By Th3 Gr4nd H1ghblood h1ms3lf. Or, r4th3r, 4n 3mm1s4ry of h1m.”
Dragonise retrieved a tall white staff, capped with a carved dragon’s head in Pyralspite’s likeness.
“1 4m 4 l3g1sl4c3r4tor now. 1 l34v3 for th3 s34s tomorrow.”
Meulin was silent for a long moment.
“(=^33^=) < BUT… WHAT ABOUT… I THOUGHT… YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T EVER GOING TO LEAVE ME…”
“1 d1d s4y th4t. But th4t w4s b3for3 1 got th3 ch4nc3 to ch4s3 down
h3r.
”
Dragonise laid a hand on Meulin’s shoulder.
“Sp1nn3r3t M1ndf4ng w4s r4cru1t3d too. 4 c4pt41n.”
“(=^33^=) < WHO?”
Dragonise sighed.
“4R4N34 S3RK3T. 1 w1ll b3 1n clos3 prox1m1ty to 4r4n3a S3rk3t.”
“(=^33^=) < OHHH.”
Meulin grinned.
“(=^33^=) < YOUR KISMESIS?”
“Sh3 1s NOT my k1sm3s1s! My h4tr3d of h3r 1s pur3ly pl4ton1c, 4nd you know th1s.”
(=^33^=) < SURE, SURE.”
Meulin’s smile vanished.
“(=^33^=) < SO YOU’RE LEAVING TOMORROW?”
“Th4t 1 4m, y3s.”
Dragonise replied. It would be a blessing to not have poor, clingy, lonely Meulin attached to her hip constantly. It was a bad look, no matter how much pity the poor thing incited in people.
“(=^33^=) < THEN WE N33D TO MAKE TODAY EXTRA FUN!”
Meulin exclaimed.
“(=^33^=) < LET’S WALK AROUND THE TOWN!”
“M3ul1n-”
But Meulin was already dragging her down the road. Dragonise managed to get her hand free from Meulin’s grip.
“4lr1ght. You w1n. Wh4t do you w4nt to do?”
Meulin didn’t seem to hear, rounding a corner then stopping abruptly, causing Dragonise to walk into her.
“3ck- for goodn3ss s4k3, M3ul1n, wh4t now-?”
In the centre of the town square, there was a troll standing on a ramshackle stage. He had small horns, implying he wasn’t long out of grubhood, and wore a long dark robe that concealed most of his body. On one side of him stood a gold-blood in a mage’s uniform, and on the other, a tall, regal-looking jade-blood. They were surrounded by the town’s inhabitants- mainly mid-bloods- who were all looking up at the speaking troll.
“-THEN TRULY, THERE IS N9 REAL REAS9N F9R THE CASTE SYSTEM, ASIDE FR9M THE C9NDESCE’S DESIRE T9 DIVIDE AND C9NQUER. IF WE ARE UNUNITED, WE ARE VULNERA6LE, AND SHE KN9WS THAT.”
A few shocked gasps came from the crowd. Dragonise was about ready to unleash her newly received legislacerator authority on this heretic. The gold-blooded troll looked around uneasily, his mismatched eyes glowing faintly. Could he be influencing the crowd? No, she decided after a moment. That was blue-blood power.
The heretic could clearly tell his time was running out before someone got the authorities.
“I H9PE Y9U CAN ALL SEE WHAT I CAN SEE. I H9PE THAT 9NE DAY, ALL TROLLS, FROM VIOLET- TO RUST- BL99DS CAN WALK THE STREETS HAND IN HAND, THAT THERE CAN BE PEACE 9N 9UR PLANET, AS THERE WAS 9N THE 9NE 6EF9RE.”
He bowed, and stepped off the stage, the jade-blood following him closely. The gold-blood waved a hand, and the stage disassembled itself, the panels rearranging into a cart. The three trolls went to climb on, and
Sure enough, there she was, pushing through the crowd towards the heretic.
“M3ul1n!”
Dragonise hissed. Meulin either didn’t hear, or didn’t listen.
“M3ul1n, 1 SW34R,”
Dragonise said louder, following the ridiculous olive-blood. She caught up to her in time to hear her say
“-I DON’T THINK I’VE EFUR HEARD SOMETHING I’VE AGR33D WITH SO MUCH. I THOUGHT… I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO, YOU KNOW, THOUGHT ALL OF THIS!”
“WELL, WE ALWAYS ACCEPT NEW TRAVELLING C9MPANIONS.”
the heretic said.
“Altho+gh Capto+r Here Is The O+nly Tro+ll To+ Ever Actually Jo+in Us.”
the jade-blood added.
“Mo+st Seem To+o+ Sho+cked By The Heresy To+ Co+me With.”
“(=^33^=) < I CAN COME WITH YOU?!”
Meulin exclaimed.
“You most c3rt41nly fuck1ng c4n’t!”
Meulin jumped, and the three heretics gave Dragonise a cautious look.
“(=^33^=) < WHY DO YOU CARE? YOU’RE LEAVING!”
Meulin said.
“Corr3ct. But what 1’m NOT do1ng 1s l3tt1ng you g3t c4ught up 1n som3… CULT.”
“C9MM9N MISC9NCEPTI9N, N9T A CULT.”
the heretic said.
“I’D SAY REV9LUTI9NARY ADV9CATES F9R CHANGE IS M9RE ACCURATE.”
“1 should turn 4ll of you 1n to Th3 Gr4nd H1ghblood for tr34son.”
Dragonise spat.
“I Wo+uld Po+litely Ask That Yo+u Do+n’t.”
the jade-blood said.
“M3ul1n, pl34s3. B3 s3ns1bl3 4bout th1s.”
Dragonise said, ignoring the jade-blood.
“Th3 world 1s th1s w4y for 4 r34son.”
But even as she said it, she doubted it.
“(=^33^=) < YOU KNOW THEY’RE RIGHT.”
Meulin said.
“(=^33^=) < WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA DO? YOU’RE THE ONLY PURRSON WHO EVEN TOLERATES ME.”
Dragonise stood for a moment, considering her options. Then, she groaned, and kicked a clump of shoots, before turning to the lead heretic.
“Don’t l3t 4nyth1ng h4pp3n to h3r.”
“I’LL D9 MY 6EST.”
he said.
“WHAT ARE Y9UR NAMES?”
“(=^33^=) < MEULIN LEIJON!”
Meulin said.
“(=^33^=) < AND SHE’S-”
“Dr4gon1s3 R3dgl4r3.”
Dragonise interrupted before Meulin could get her name wrong again.
The lead heretic
bowed
(so presumably lower than teal on the hemospectrum).
“MOST CALL ME THE SIGNLESS.”
he said.
“THESE ARE THE ΨII9NIIC AND THE D9L9R9SA.”
“1 3xp3ct M3ul1n to r3m41n 1n touch, 1f 1t 1s s4f3 for h3r to.”
Dragonise said.
“We Will Do+ O+ur Best.”
the jade-blood- presumably The Dolorosa- replied.
“And Yo+u Will No+t Repo+rt Us?”
“No, 1 won’t.”
Dragonise promised.
“Good… Good luck.”
“(=^33^=) < YOU TOO!”
Meulin replied.
“(=^33^=) < HOPE YOU FIND YOUR KISMESIS!”
“Not my k1sm3s1s!”
Dragonise replied, as she walked away.
Several weeks later…
Dragonise leaned against Pyralspite, and took the letter out of her pocket. It bore the unmistakable green ink Meulin always used.
(=^33^=) < DEAR DRAGONISE (SORRY I GOT IT WRONG SO MUCH),
(=^33^=) < I HOPE WHEREFUR YOU ARE, YOU’RE HAVING FUN! I HOPE THAT PYRALSPITE IS DOING WELL, AND THAT WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO IS GOING JUST AS WELL!
(=^33^=) < I DON’T THINK PEOPLE HAVE EFUR UNDERSTOOD ME AS MUCH AS KANKRI, PORRIM AND MITUNA DO. THEY DIDN’T CHANGE THEIR NAMES EIFUR- SEE, TOLD YOU IT WASN’T WEIRD! THEY JUST WANT THE WORLD TO BE LESS VIOLENT! KANKRI SAYS HE SAW IT IN A VISION! ME AND PORRIM BELIEVE HIM, BUT MITUNA’S ALL SCEPTICAL. YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYONE THIS, BUT KANKRI’S NOT ACTUALLY ON THE NORMAL HEMOSPECTRUM! HE HAS THIS REALLY BRIGHT RED BLOOD THAT HE AND PORRIM CALL “IRON BLOOD”. THAT’S PARTLY WHY HE’S SIGNLESS! ALSO BECAUSE HE WASN’T RAISED BY A LUSUS, BECAUSE PORRIM FOUND HIM IN A METEOR AND LEFT HER JADE-BLOOD DUTIES TO RAISE HIM!
(=^33^=) < OOPS, I’M RAMBLING.
(=^33^=) < I’VE B33N DOING GOOD. MOSTLY I GET TO SIT ON THE STAGE WITH PORRIM WHILE KANKRI PAWKS TO PEOPLE ABOUT BEING NICE. PORRIM’S REALLY NICE. WE HAD TO LEAVE ONE VILLAGE EFUR SO QUICKLY, BECAUSE THE TROLLS THERE GOT REALLY UPSET ABOUT THE MESSAGE. SOME PEOPLE JUST AREN’T READY FOR CHANGE, I GUESS.
(=^33^=) < SEND A LETTER BACK IF YOU CAN! WE GO BACK TO THE CAVE KANKRI GREW UP IN EFURY FEW DAYS, SO THAT’S THE ADDRESS TO SEND LETTERS TOO (IT’S ON THE BACK OF THE LETTER).
(=^33^=) < YOUR BEST FURIEND,
(=^33^=) < MEULIN <33
Several sweeps later…
Dragonise had several letters from Meulin she had yet to read. But, in her defence, she was pretty busy tracking down the Marquise Mindfang.
The Orphaner Dualscar had reported Mindfang’s numerous crimes to The Grand Highblood, and Dragonise had been dispatched to bring her to justice. Now, she soared over the sea, Pyralspite a welcome warmth against the cold wind.
The necklace she wore under her uniform was also cold. It had come from the last letter she’d opened from Meulin, and the most recent one that she’d received. The lack of Meulin’s usual excitement was sign enough that it was urgent.
its all gone wrong. the highbloods caught us. kankri was tortured, then executed. i was supposed to be executed too, but the executor let me go. i still don’t know why. porrim and mituna were sold back into slavery.
i think the only hope for the future that kankri wanted is to keep his teachings alive. i’m in hiding while i do that, but i think you need to help too.
his followers are using his shackles as a symbol. i managed to get this necklace, and i want you to have it. i know you never really admitted to believing him, but do it for me, at least.
the disciple
Dragonise hadn’t cried when she’d read the letter. She wasn’t the sort to cry. But if she was, she would have. Meulin sounded so… defeated. And she supposed she was; the trolls who Meulin had been so close with were either dead or as good as.
But now wasn’t the time to miss Meulin, because the blue ship- Dragonise’s prey- was in sight.
A grin crossed Dragonise’s face as she ordered Pyralspite to dive.
Within moments, Mindfang’s ship was ablaze, and her lusus was Pyralspite’s latest meal. Shrieks filled the air, but none screamed louder than the Marquise. Dragonise met her eye as she stepped onto the ship to arrest her properly. One of Mindfang’s eyes glared defiantly at Dragonise; the other was bright red. Presumably, she’d made the mistake of looking into Pyralspite’s eyes.
Sometimes, these things were just too easy.
A few days later…
M3ul1n,
1’m so sorry 1 n3v3r r3pl13d to your l3tt3rs. 1’m sorry 1 only 3v3r tol3r4t3d you, wh3n you h4v3 4lw4ys d3s3rv3d much b3tt3r.
1’m sorry 4bout th3 s1gnl3ss. 1 wor3 th3 n3ckl4c3 you g4v3 m3 const4ntly. H3 s33m3d l1k3 4 good troll.
1 should h4v3 known my f4t3 would l34d wh3r3 1t h4s. 1 kn3w blu3-bloods c4n control p3opl3s’ m1nds, so why d1dn’t 1 fors33 th1s?
1 w4s s3nt 4ft3r M1ndf4ng- sh3 commit3d tr34son. 1 c4ught h3r. 1 brought h3r to court. 3v3ryth1ng w4s p3rf3ctly 1nf4ll1bl3. Unt1l 1t w4sn’t.
Sh3 turn3d th3m 4g41nst m3. Th3 crowd, th3 judg3, 3v3ryon3. 1 w4s s3nt3nc3d to h4ng1ng 1n h3r st34d. 1 th1nk th3 crowd tr13d to k1ll m3 th3ms3lv3s. Th3y k1ll3d Pyr4lsp1t3. My d34th, 4s of wr1t1ng th1s l3tt3r, 1s 1n m3r3 hours.
1 w1sh 1’d b3l13v3d 1n th3 s1gnl3ss l1k3 you d1d. H3 w4s r1ght. 1’ve known th4t for 4 wh1l3, but not 1’v3 b33n 4bl3 to 4dm1t 1t unt1l now.
1’m sorry 1t c4m3 to th1s. 1 hop3 th4t wh3n our g3n3t1c m4t3r14l 1s us3d, our d3sc3nd4nts 4r3 b3tt3r fr31nds th4n w3 w3r3. Th4n 1 w4s.
You d3s3rv3d b3tt3r.
Your t3rr1bl3 fr31nd,
L4tul4 Pyrop3.
An Alternate Ending
Do you ever look at a character death and think "hm that sucked I wish that didn't happen"?
Well, I decided to rewrite Homestuck and this is one of the scenes from that very rewrite (more or less. It's an early draft subject to change). Specifically, this fic is about the events of [S] Equius: Seek the highb100d/page 3438.
once again, i shouldn't colour the text, but i'm just like that i guess
Hearing a shuffle of feet above him, Equius turned around. Atop one of the strange tubes was a silhouette with red glasses. “D --> Ah, it’s you, Pyrope” he said, unable to shake an uneasy feeling. “D --> Have you seen Ampora about” Remembering who he was talking to, he amended, “D --> Pardon, smelled.”
When the troll on top of the tube who up until that moment Equius had thought was Pyrope finally spoke, it was with a voice that cemented him firmly as “not Terezi Pyrope” and also as “weirdly horrifying”.
“heheh. CHECK IT THE MOTHERFUCK OUT. it’s the peasantblood. HEH HEH. fuckin heh.”
Peasantblood? Equius didn’t appreciate that, he was only one caste below Gamzee, hardly a peasant. Although he didn’t correct this, because he knew better than to correct a highblood. “D --> Excuse me, highb100d, I didn’t recognise you in Pyrope’s glasses D --> If you don’t mind my asking, what happened to your voice?”
Gamzee grinned, fangs on full display. Equius shuddered. “WELL, SEE, MOTHERFUCKER, I REALISED MY POTENTIAL. my heritage. MY BIRTHRIGHT.”
That left Equius slightly conflicted. On the one hand, good to see that Gamzee was finally acting like a purpleblood. On the other, this was really quite unnerving. “D --> I see D --> Well, I must continue to hunt for the seadweller D --> If, that is, you do not need me for anything”
“oh. YOU BET YOUR FUCKIN ASS I NEED YOU FOR SOMETHING.” Gamzee replied, his grin growing even wider.
Equius winced at the language. “D --> How may I be of assistance” he asked.
“sit your ass down. KNEEL. before the messiahs.”
“D --> …Very well” As much as Gamzee’s horseplay didn’t interest Equius, he would be remiss to disobey what was certainly an order from a highblood. He did as he was told, kneeling down (what Gamzee meant by messiahs was beyond him, but that was the case with most things Gamzee said).
“NOW. hold still.”
There was a small movement that any other troll wouldn’t have understood, but Equius knew very well: the drawing of a bowstring.
What to do? Was Gamzee going to shoot him? Could Equius stop him? He was a highblood, theoretically there was nothing he could do but accept his fate.
Thankfully, or possibly not so thankfully, Equius was saved from having to consider if his own mortality was worth obeying the hemocastes by a much smaller oliveblood who chose that very opportune moment to drop from a ceiling vent onto Gamzee, knocking him off of the tube and sending him plummeting to the ground.
Before Equius could even fully process what was happening, Nepeta had cut several deep gashes in Gamzee and been thrown off of him, colliding with a wall with a thud. Gamzee staggered to his feet, and began to charge towards Nepeta.
Without thinking, Equius grabbed Gamzee’s sleeve, tearing a chunk of fabric off. Gamzee turned to glare at him. “D --> Please don’t hurt her” Equius said hoarsely. “D --> Please, highb100d, sir, don’t hurt her”
“I WILL DO. what i motherfuckin. LIKE.” Gamzee snarled.
Then Equius punched him.
Gamzee staggered, but Equius just kept punching him square in the face until he heard something crack. Then, he stumbled over to Nepeta, grabbing her hand in a vice grip and half dragging her down one of the many hallways. The first door Equius saw through his blind panic, he threw open and raced inside, leaning all of his weight against the door- not that that would stop a purpleblood. Nepeta fell to her knees next to him, her claws tangling in his fur and her breaths high and sharp. For a moment, that and his own pounding heartbeat was all Equius could hear, until finally the adrenaline began to fade and was replaced by pure dread. D --> What have I done what have I done what have I done D --> That wasn’t just f001ish, that was treason, that was high treason, what was I thinking
His thoughts spiralled in a manner similar to that for an indeterminable amount of time, until something deeper in the room he’d functionally locked himself and Nepeta in clattered. Nepeta’s breathing, which had been slowly returning to normal, spiked back into gasps, and she clenched her fists, yanking Equius’s fur so hard he barely stifled a yelp. “D --> Who’s there” he said, trying to hide his fear. This seemed to just be a large storage cupboard of some sort, but it could have another entrance he hadn’t noticed.
“NO ONE. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. TRICK OF THE SOUND. YOU’RE HALLUCINATING. IGNORE THE CLATTERING THAT ISN’T THERE AND KEEP DOING WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE DOING IN THIS RANDOM CUPBOARD. FUCKING SHIT BASTARD OW.”
“D --> Vantas D --> What in the world are you doing in this cupboard” Equius asked. Had Karkat just been here the whole time? And no one had managed to locate him, despite him just being in a random cupboard?
“NOPE, NOT KARKAT. HALLUCINATION. WHAT’S A KARKAT, SOUNDS DUMB AND LIKE SOMETHING THAT’S NOT ME AND PROBABLY IN SOME OTHER DUSTY AS SHIT CUPBOARD. PIECE OF SHIT- AAH!” With a loud crash, a bright red shape fell off of the beams near the ceiling and landed in a pile of boxes. With far more strong language than Equius would like, Karkat appeared, dusting himself off. He took one look at Equius and Nepeta and looked extremely confused and concerned (probably. It’s a little hard to read someone’s expression when they have compound eyes and mandibles). “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?”
==> Terezi: Be adorable with your matesprit
Nepeta and Terezi are matesprits and it's cute. Not much more to say.
I got THINGS to say, so strap in.
The general idea of this AU is that dancestors are older siblings and ancestors are parents, which I think isn't unique but still.
I like to think Terezi uses it/he/they, but I didn't get the chance to use they for it.
Nepeta uses she/purr which is like she/her but instead of her it's purr. I think this is very funny and exactly the sort of thing she'd do.
Also I don't know what Terezi/Nepeta's ship name is but I'd like to propose Hung Drawn and Clawtered. Like hung, drawn and quartered, but claw. Because cat puns. I think this is also very funny.
==> Terezi: Be adorable with your matesprit.
Cities might be one of your favourite things to smell (aside from red sharpies).
It’s like the stars, just as bright and glittering, but more… alive, somehow.
You feel a weight against your shoulder as Nepeta leans into you. Careful not to accidentally stab purr with one of your fangs- it’s happened more than once- you tuck purr head under your chin.
“:33 < when we first meowved here, i thought it was going to be all ugly and smokey,” Nepeta says softly. “:33 < this… this is nice”
“1TS B34UT1FUL.” you reply.
The two of you sit in silence for a long time, just enjoying each others’ company. Getting Vriska out of your quadrants for good was the best decision you’ve ever made- aside from getting Nepeta in your flushed and buying the pair of bright red crocs you’re wearing right now.
It’s very nice out on the roof, but it’s also March, so it starts getting cold. You consider getting some blankets, but can’t be asked in the end, so you just head back to your room.
Nepeta always giggles when she walks in, and you can’t blame purr. Your personality is quite colourful and spiky, like a big bright cartoony explosion; it stands to reason that your room follows suit. The combination of the bright red walls, the comic posters, the various pride flags (you’re still very pleased with the maverique flag that Latula got you) and the practically neon coloured clothes strewn across the floor make it a veritable buffet of smells. Nepeta plonks purrself down on your bed and bounces a little. You join purr, careful not to disturb the neptunic flag on the wall, and the two of you lie on your bed for a while.
Suddenly, you’re woken up. Slightly blurrily, you sit up, and hear Nepeta talking to someone. “:33 < yeah, im at rezis!!!” There was a pause, during which you could sort of hear someone talking very loudly. “:33 < of pawse i had a good time, its rezi!!! :33 < you didnt get invited because it was a date, you silly!”
You have by this point edged out of bed and close enough that you can hear the lovely fellow shouting on the other end of the phone. “OH. COOL. TELL HIM I SAID HI, THEN, I GUESS.”
“:33 < i will! :33 < make sure to tell meulin where i am!”
“FUCK, UH. KANAYA ASKED IF YOU AND TEREZI WANTED TO HANG OUT LATER TODAY, ALSO.” Karkat replies.
“:33 < ooh, yay, me n terezi will absolutely be there! :33 < unless it sleeps for another two hours”
“RIGHT. SEE YOU LATER.”
“:33 < see you!” Nepeta replied.
“H4NG1NG OUT SOUNDS V3RY N1C3.” you say, making Nepeta jump and squeal hilariously. “L3MM3 P1CK SOM3TH1NG TO W34R 4ND W3 C4N S3T OFF R1GHT 4W4Y.” Without much thought put into it (who needs to put thought into an outfit when all your clothes are awesome?), you assemble some shorts, some hideously amazing socks (socks and crocs are a combination of clothes you love for several reasons, one of which is that it drives Kanaya mad) and a grungy t-shirt you’re pretty sure has been sitting on your floor for several days now. Meanwhile, Nepeta seems to be reapplying eyeliner, which she likes to wear so thick it makes it look like she hasn’t slept for a week.
You finish assembling your attack on fashion and Nepeta takes your free hand, the other one holding your cane.
“GO1NG TO H4NG OUT W1TH K4N4Y4!!” you shout as you’re walking down the stairs to the door.
"k s1s!" Latula yells back.
“B3 b4ck 4t 4 r34son4bl3 hour.” your mother adds.
“OK4Y!!” you reply before Nepeta drags you out of the door.
"At Least Tell Me Your Name First."
When Vriska awakens after severe injury via explosion, its to a weird and somewhat socially awkward highblood attatching a robotic prosthetic to what remains of her arm.
How Equius and Vriska came to know each other, in more detail than is given by the comic.
i like picturing this scene, i think it's interesting and really indicative of equius's character. why did he help vriska? it's not very highblood of him! also i really liked doing the quirks in the last part of this fic, i like equius's "ool is replaced with 001" especially because i don't see it that often. also the horse puns. the horse puns are very fun.
When she comes to, it’s to pain that feels like it’s going through her entire body and a bright white light shining down at her. Unable to find her voice in the moment, Vriska tries to move.
She hears someone’s breath hitch. “Hold still. This will be over soon.”
She tenses. Someone’s standing over her, fiddling with something she can’t quite feel. What, are they cutting her up or something? Harvesting her blood? Ceruleans are pretty unusual to find in the state that she’s in, whoever this scumbag is they could probably fetch a pretty penny for her vital organs.
“Who are you?” Vriska manages to ask.
“Your neighbour.” She notes that he emphasises the “neigh”, like he’s imitating a hoofbeast. Weirdo. “I believe we have met once or twice.”
“Don’t think so. I have no fucking clue who you are, in all honesty.”
“I know who you are.” the strange troll says, shifting slightly. The light glances off of a pair of rectangular shades, and Vriska can make out a large blocky silhouette. “You’re Vriska Serket, the cerulean who lives above me. I know that you bring trolls to your hive on a regular basis and I know that your lusus is a disgustingly sloppy eater. I also know that you would not hesitate to kill me, hence why I am exercising caution as I work.”
“What do you want?!” Vriska cries, struggling
“I want you to hold still.” he growls. “You will do yourself more harm if you don’t. As I said, I am almost finished. Then you may return to whatever depraved things you do.”
“Depraved? Like you aren’t, what, cutting me up or something?”
“Where on Alternia did you get that impression from?” Her captor asks. He sits back and rubs something soft against his face. “There. Sit up, slowly.”
Vriska does as he says, and as she does, remembers the events leading up to her unconsciousness. The explosion. The pain, the splattering sounds she’d only ever heard from her lusus’s den before then, her projection, the satisfaction of a job well done, and then… fainting. Fainting like some weak little wiggler caught in the sun. Pathetic.
As she remembers this, she examines the robotic prosthetic attached to her left forearm. It moves at a thought, twitches, flexes its fingers. She sees her captor turn back around from whatever it was he was doing over there. “Ah. Good. It functions perfectly. Not that I thought that it wouldn’t.” he quickly adds. “It is not painful?”
“...No.” Vriska says quietly.
“Good.” her neighbour replies. “I will exchange trolltags with you so that if technical difficulties arise you may contact me.”
“At least tell me your name first.” Vriska mutters.
Her neighbour looks her up and down, seemingly making a decision. Now that there isn’t a bright light in her eyes, Vriska sees that he’s an indigoblood, quite tall and muscular, with one broken horn and crooked teeth.
“My name is Equius.” he finally says. “Equius Zahhak.”
“Charmed to make your acquaintance.” Vriska says, holding out her right hand. Equius eyes it cautiously, before slowly reaching out. “Look, I don’t have all night, just shake it!” Vriska snaps, and Equius recoils. “Ugh. What’s your trolltag?” she asks.
“centaursTesticle.”
“Pft. As if you couldn’t get any weirder. arachnidsGrip.”
Equius strides over to a powerful looking husktop and types something in. “You will be on your way now.” he says.
“Gosh, you really want me gone, huh?” Vriska says. “Fine, I know when I’m not wanted.”
Equius seems to want to say something but stays silent as Vriska’s out the door.
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]
AG: Hey!!!!!!!!
AG: Quick question!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> How may I be of assistance
AG: When I was at your hive, you neglected to mention the little detail
AG: That I am M8SSING MY FRE8KING EY8!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> You had not noticed
AG: Don’t play innocent! That’s a pretty 8ig detail to just gloss over, don’t you think????????
CT: D --> Firstly, as I said, I was under the impression you were aware of its loss
CT: D --> Secondly, I did not want you in my hive any longer than necessary
AG: Gee, thanks.
CT: D --> You are a known threat to trolls across the castes, not just lowb100ds
CT: D --> Mid- and highb100ds alike are all as equally at risk around you
CT: D --> I have no interest in being lusus food
CT: D --> Honestly, your lusus’s feeding habits are quite barbaric in my opinion
AG: That’s pretty hypocritical of you!!!!!!!! You’re a high8lood, killing is your main ho88y!
CT: D --> That is a generalisation
CT: D --> I have several interests
CT: D --> Inc100ding roboti%, which, as you know, saved your life tonight, so I would keep your cer001ean mouth shut if I were you
AG: Ooooooooh, dragging caste into it now!
AG: I regret giving you my tag so much now.
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]
CT: D --> That is wigglerish
CT: D --> I am not far if your arm requires repairs or imprhoofments
CT: D --> Otherwise I bid you good night, Serket
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]
AG: Why did you save me?
CT: D --> E%cuse me
AG: I said, why did you save me?
CT: D --> I heard an e%plosion
CT: D --> When I came to see what was going on, you were lying in a p001 of your own b100d
CT: D --> What more is there to hay
AG: What????????
CT: D --> Say
AG: Anyway, that doesn’t answer my question. Why 8other doing all of this? For some random 8lue8lood you 8arely know????????
CT: D --> … Good night, Serket
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]
AG: Hey!!!!!!!!
AG: You didn’t answer the question!!!!!!!! >::::(
AG: Fine, whatever. It’s too l8 for this bullshit.
AG: Bye, weird neighbour.
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]
A collection of transfem!dave strider pesterlogs with a tiny bit of narration
Your name is Dave Strider and you are at your ecto-mom and ecto-sister's home for a family sleepover.
You are also being manhandled (womanhandled? Who has to be doing the handling to determine the gender of the term?) into Rose's bedroom.
DAVE: seriously what did i do
DAVE: like haha funny but also jokes over i get it
ROXY: nuh uh son jokes over this is serious
DAVE: you cant pull the mother/son bit on me
DAVE: thats unfair
DAVE: and also worrying given that you are kind of dragging me into this room
ROSE: Just trust us, brother dear.
DAVE: this is fucking weird
DAVE: ow
DAVE: hey hey hey hey not the shades
ROSE: Oh, shush, we all know what your eyes look like.
ROSE: Besides, you cannot do makeup around sunglasses. Isn't that right, Roxy?
ROXY: totally now hand me the eyeshadow
DAVE: oh shit i am in for it now
ROSE: You sure are. Now hold still or I am going to take your eye out.
DAVE: hold still for what
DAVE: OH FUCK OW
ROSE: You see this, Roxy?
ROSE: Hopeless. Utterly hopeless.
ROSE: "Don't move or I'll poke your eye out with a mascara stick." "sorry what was that i dont listen to a word you say"
ROXY: LMAO
DAVE: youve wounded me
DAVE: mom shes fucking wounded me
DAVE: what the fuck is this lol
DAVE: mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom rose stabbed me in the faceeeeeeeee
ROXY: well you shouldntve moved then you heard her
DAVE: this is favoritism
ROXY: yes it is
ROXY: hm
ROSE: Ooh.
ROXY: ... yeah youll be fine
DAVE: trust 100 dont worry about it
ROXY: dont make skyrim references or ill fuck this up more
DAVE: i used to be an adventurer like you and then my sister fucking stabbed me in the face with a mascara stick
Roxy recoiled, wheezing with laughter as Rose shuffled closer with the offending makeup applicator.
ROSE: Now, keep your eyes open.
DAVE: nope
ROXY: dave this is non-negotiable
ROXY: sit back relax and enjoy a healthy dose of prolonged eye contact
ROSE: See, that wasn't so hard.
DAVE: my eyelashes feel weird
ROSE: Don't worry. I'm doing lipstick next.
DAVE: oh shit
DAVE: dedicated to compromising my masculinity are you
DAVE: never wanted a brother
ROSE: No, I didn't. My scheme is unveiled.
ROXY: oh fuck i cant believe youd do that rosie
ROSE: I'm so sorry to have betrayed all your trust. I consider my own selfish desires more important than the life of young Dave Strider.
DAVE: im older than you
ROSE: Why would you do that.
ROSE: Now it's fucked. It's fucked and it's your fault.
ROXY: move over ill fix it
ROSE: Its the fate he's doomed himself to. His punishment for his crimes.
DAVE: what did i do????
ROSE: See, he did it again. This is what I've had to live with for so long.
DAVE: ok but you constantly psychoanalyse everything i do to explain why im actually really gay
DAVE: which like we know
DAVE: i have a boyfriend rose we know i like guys you dont need to keep going with the bit
DAVE: also pot meet kettle because like
DAVE: of course someone with mommy issues would grow up to be a lesbian
ROSE: What?
DAVE: ...or something i dunno
DAVE: youre the one who psychoanalyses shit you tell me
ROSE: Well, you have the freedom to keep running your mouth because your lipstick is apocalyptic and I refuse to fix it anymore.
ROXY: lemme see
ROXY: oooooooooooo man
ROXY: thats rough buddy
DAVE: so am i done
DAVE: can i look in the mirror and we all go haha dave looks nothing like a girl and then move on
ROXY: uh uh
ROXY: im gonna contour ur face and then we can reveal this mess to you
ROXY: god damn it is not helping that its like two am right now
ROXY: my hands are shaking like fucking maracas
ROXY: shshshshshshshshshshshsh
ROXY: oh well contour is easy
DAVE: this all seems easy
ROSE: Believe me,
ROSE: It isn't.
ROXY: nono but contour is easy
ROXY: you slap it on then bullshit it until it looks good thats my professional expertise
DAVE: the slapdash method i like it
ROXY: yea i live my life by "fuck it we ball"
ROXY: see heres why contour is great
ROXY: even though you just laughed it didnt fucked anything up
ROSE: "Didn't fucked anything up?"
DAVE: didnt fucked anything up
ROXY: yea
ROXY: now sh im gonna smack you in the face now
DAVE: fucking huh
DAVE: ... oh thats fine actually
ROXY: yeas thats the other reason contour fucks
ROXY: the third reason is that its basically shapeshifting
DAVE: woah no one said anything about shapeshifting
ROXY: did no one tell you
ROXY: secretly we can shapeshift
ROXY: we being the makeup users
ROXY: yeahhhhhhhhhh that looks fine
DAVE: so am i done
ROXY: yea ur done
ROXY: damn this actually looks pretty good
ROSE: I'm shocked to agree with you.
DAVE: nah i dont believe you
DAVE: lemme take a look at this sh
DAVE: ...
ROSE: ...
ROXY: ...
DAVE: ...
ROSE: ...
ROXY: ...
DAVE: ...
ROSE: ...
ROXY: ...
DAVE: ...
ROXY: so what do u think
...
DAVE: ...gotta piss
And it was this series of circumstances that lead to you sitting in the Lalondes' bathroom in the fetal position because two AM just became the Crisis Hour.
Because you. Might be a girl.
But what are you supposed to do about this? Who can you talk to at two in the fucking morning?
You open Pesterchum and begin typing before you can think about it.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TG: heyyyyyyyy bro
TG: sup
TT: Nothing much.
TT: You need something?
TG: why do i need a reason to talk to my bro
TT: Because it's two in the morning and you have a normal sleep schedule. Why are you even awake?
TG: im at roxy and roses
TT: So why are you pestering me?
TG: uh
TG: ok cards on the table
TG: and before i continue these are hypothetical cards
TG: or like
TT: What?
TG: no no i can save this
TG: the cards are metaphorical but theyre about hypotheticals
TG: theyre like that one game from the future
TG: with the cards
TT: "That one game from the future with the cards?"
TG: the fucking
TG: the one where you get half a sentence and some absolutely unhinged cards to finish it with
TT: Cards Against Humanity?
TG: yeah cards against humanity
TG: anyway back to salvaging this metaphor
TT: I think the metaphor is unsalvagable.
TG: the metaphorical cards are like cards against humanity cards but for hypotheticals
TG: or like
TG: hypothetical confessions
TG: and i am putting them on the table
TT: ... I see.
TT: What is this hypothetical question/confession then?
TG: ok
TG: im gonna get to the point
TG: so this is a hypothetical question
TT: Dave, just ask me the fucking question.
TG: ok
TG: ok
TG: ok so you need to not judge me
TT: You don't need to worry about that.
TG: actually why would you be judging me this is a hypothetical question
TG: im mostly messing with you at this point can you tell
TG: im not stalling thats for cowards
TG: anyway finally
TG: the point all this was leading to
TG: here i go
TG: ...
TG: would you be mad if i was a girl
TT: ... What?
TG: like
TG: if i was a girl
TG: would you be pissed
TT: ...
TT: Oh.
TT: I suddenly understand everything.
TG: oh shit bro not everything
TT: Yes, everything.
TT: So, if you became a girl or were born a girl instead?
TG: for the sake of the hypothetical
TG: which is what this is
TG: lets say it was the first one
TT: Well, either way my answer is the same, I suppose.
TG: whos stalling now motherfucker
TT: No, Dave, I would not be mad if you turned into a girl.
TT: I would continue to support you.
You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You look up, suddenly understanding why girls do that when they cry. You feel bad about the idea of fucking up Rose and Roxy's hard work.
TT: Are you good?
TG: yeah
TG: well
TG: yeah
TT: How hypothetical of a question was that question?
TG: ill be honest with you dude
TG: it was not hypothetical in the slightest
Struggling a bit to type from the screen (you suddenly understand why everyone gives you shit for keeping your brightness all the way up) and watery eyes (definitly from the makeup), you explain everything to Dirk. The joking "hey what if we put Dave in makeup". Actually going through with it. Rose poking you in the eye because you are still salty. And the fact that you're now hiding in their bathroom. Speaking of, you definitely just heard one of them knocking.
TT: Well.
TT: Basically, you're fucked.
TG: dude i am so fucked
TT: Why are you talking to me about this?
TT: You're literally in the same building as Roxy.
TT: And it's not even a fucked up weird oversized building like my house.
TG: i dunno man
TG: i guess
TG: ok this is already way more sincerity than i wanted from today but heres a ton more
TG: hope you like sincerity bitch
TG: uh
TG: i guess i wanted to ask you because i wanted to know if my bro would be cool with it
TG: like i know you arent him but youre like the closest thing ive got and also way cooler than him about these things come to think of it
TG: i mean he probably wouldve kicked my ass some more if id mentioned "hey i might be a girl" in the middle of a daily strife
TT: Christ, there is/was something wrong with me.
TG: oh you bet there was
TG: but yeah i guess i wanted the
TG: validation? if that makes sense?
TG: or even like. permission?
TG: which sounds really weird when i say it out loud but
TT: No, I get that part.
TT: I didn't think about it as much seeing as my bro would probably have wanted a younger brother rather than a sister but
TG: hold up what
TT: It was still on my mind a bit.
TT: I guess it feels good to have approval.
TG: you are not glossing over that
TT: Watch me.
TT: Ask Roxy if you're that confused.
TG: you did not just hit me with the "go ask your mother"
TG: oh shit she actually sounds worried now
TG: going to have this conversation with them now
TG: them being rose and roxy
TT: I got that
TG: yeah
TG: so
TG: i dunno
TG: thanks i guess
TT: You're welcome.
TT: I guess.
turntechGodhead [TG] stopped pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
ROXY: hey da-stri
You have never appreciated Roxy's weird intuition about these things more.
DASTRI: hey roxy
ROXY: hey
ROXY: are you ok
DASTRI: yeah im ok
ROXY: just uh
ROXY: that was a pretty long time for a piss
DASTRI: oh yeah i did say that was what i was doing
DASTRI: actually i was kinda just
DASTRI: thinking
ROXY: u wanna talk about it?
DASTRI: yeahhh
DASTRI: that seems like a good idea
ROSE: Go on.
DASTRI: so
DASTRI: cards on the table
ROSE: You're about to stall, aren't you.
DASTRI: fuck
DASTRI: i knew i wouldn't get away with it twice
ROSE: Twice?
DASTRI: yeah i was just talking to dirk
ROXY: was he the only one awake?
DASTRI: probably yeah
DASTRI: damn youre gonna make me just rip the band-aid off arent you
ROXY: i can guess, you know
ROSE: We both can.
ROSE: I hadn't considered it as a possibility until now but there were signs.
DASTRI: there were signs?!
ROSE: Your entry item was an egg, D-
ROSE: Hm.
ROSE: I think we should breach the topic of how to address you first.
DASTRI: right ok
DASTRI: uh
DASTRI: im lost already
ROXY: well
ROXY: do you want to stick with dave?
DASTRI: ...
DASTRI: no
ROXY: k cool
ROXY: u wanna stick close to dave then?
DASTRI: ... yeah
DASTRI: that seems simpler
ROSE: How many feminine D names can you think of?
ROXY: oh shit uhh
DASTRI: uh
ROXY: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ROXY: ddddddddaaaaaawwwwnn?
DAWN: ...
DASTRI: meh
ROSE: I'll look up a list.
DASTRI: that seems excessive cant we just throw syllables at the walls
DASTRI: dddddd
DASTRI: damn this is hard
DASTRI: damn this is hard strider full legal name
ROXY: thats what she said
DASTRI: fuck you caught me
ROSE: Dara.
DASTRI: meh
ROSE: Demi.
DASTRI: ok but meh
ROSE: Drew.
DASTRI: thats definitely a guys name
ROSE: That is definitely a guy's name, what's that doing here?
ROSE: Hm...
ROXY: dove?
ROXY: cause of like all the bird stuff that happens to you?
DASTRI: i mean
DASTRI: tempting
DASTRI: wait but that's perfect for davepeta
ROXY: oh shit yeah
DASTRI: finally we can have totally distinct names
DASTRI: wait why has it taken me this long to realise im a girl when davepeta literally exists
ROSE: You tell me.
ROSE: Dina, Dora, Devi, Dido, Dani, Dali, Dwyn, Dana, Daya
DASTRI: hold up
ROXY: im liking all the two syllable names ur listing
ROXY: finally im not alone
DASTRI: i kinda like dwyn
ROSE: It is apparently a Welsh name. Which is on brand certainly for your sword if nothing else. The most consistent and therefore trustworthy meaning I am given is that it means "to steal".
DWYN: hm that does kinda put a dampener on it
DWYN: i mean what do i look like vriska
ROXY: lmao
DWYN: lmao indeed
DASTRI: what about dana what does that one mean
DANA: i mean im asking like i give a shit what my name means
ROXY: yeah lol i dont know what roxy means i just think it sounds neat
ROSE: I think it has something to do with light or radiance
ROXY: oh lol thats ironic
ROSE: Indeed it is.
ROSE: Dana has several meanings listed. Pearl, judge, arbiter, generous...
ROSE: Overall a lot of good things.
DANA: uh
DASTRI: fuck this shit is hard
ROXY: thaaaaaaaaaa
ROSE: That's what she said.
DASTRI: fuck both of you
ROXY: anyway uh
ROXY: i like dana
ROXY: dana strider has a nice ring to it
ROSE: I think I must agree.
ROXY: and then im not the only one with two syllables lol
DANA: yeah
DANA: guess its official then
DANA: gone is dave strider, knight of time
DANA: all that remains is dana of guy
DANA: im still just some guy for the record im just a girl just some guy
ROXY: awesome gender
ROSE: Are we going to have to take you shopping?
DANA: fuck maybe
DANA: i like my clothes though
ROSE: You can keep your clothes, then.
DANA: sick
DANA: oh fuck what's karkat going to think
ROSE: Well. Only one way to find out.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]
TG: hey are you awake
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT.
TG: oh sweet youre awake
TG: uh
TG: come to make an announcement
CG: WHAT.
TG: gonna just.
TG: drop the bomb
TG: drop it like its hot
TG: and i just burned my fingers on it
CG: GET TO THE POINT I JUST WOKE UP
TG: oh shit sorry man
CG: WHAT DID I JUST SAY.
TG: ok here it comes are you ready
TG: uh
TG: wow this is hard
TG: uh
TG: you know what actually its finere
TG: heyyyyyyyyy its roxy i just grabbed his phone cos he aint gonna tell u shit if this keeps up
TG: hey what the fuck
TG: basically u have a gf now
TG: her name is dana and shes epic and all that nyway
CG: ... OK.
CG: COOL.
CG: CAN I GO BACK TO SLEEP NOW?
TG: ...yeah dude you can go back to sleep
CG: NICE.
turntechGodhead [TG] stopped pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]
karkat questions the dancestors issues
MITUNA: 01
KARKAT: WHAT THE SHIT.
KARKAT: IS THERE A FUCKING PROBLEM?
MITUNA: Y34 7H3R35 4 FUCKJ1N8G PR08L3M LN48G
KARKAT: GO ON, YOU LUMPY ASSWAD, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT.
MITUNA: 1 W4N7N4 KN0W WH05 7H015 0DUCH3C84NG
KARKAT: THAT'S RICH COMING FROM YOU, YOU FUCKBITCHING... FUCKSPONGE.
MITUNA: L4M3 1NXUL7G H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3HRH3H
KARKAT: OH, YOU WANT INSULTS?
KARKAT: I'LL GIVE YOU INSULTS.
KARKAT: I'LL DELIVER A STEAMING MOUND OF GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU WRETCHED BRAINLESS DUNDERFUCKER.
MITUNA: W04 W04H7GH 0K 1M 50RYR
KARKAT: YOU FUCKING BETTER BE.
KARKAT: ... ARE YOU GOOD?
MITUNA: N0 8(
KARKAT: LOOK, OKAY, I'M SORRY TOO.
KARKAT: THERE, YOU HAPPY?
MITUNA: U0 4R4N7LY M4D?
KARKAT: UH...
MITUNA: R8H44 GU57 K1DND1NG FUCK U
MITUNA: 53R1U50LY 7H0UG WH0 4R 3GY0U
KARKAT: UH.
KARKAT: I'M KARKAT. KARKAT VANTAS.
MITUNA: 7H475 4 LP4M3 FUCK1NG N4M3
KARKAT: YOUR NAME IS PROBABLY WORSE, DOUCHEWAD.
MITUNA: HEHERHEHGEAHERHHERAHRE
MITUNA: 0W
KARKAT: YEAH, FALL ON YOUR STUPID ASS, YOU SHITLICKING FUCKROD.
MITUNA: W04HY W0WH
MITUNA: W147 V4N7H437H L1K3 K4NRK1
KARKAT: DO NOT FUCKING COMPARE ME TO THAT WASTE OF SPACE, TIME, AND EVERY OTHER MORONIC ASPECT.
MITUNA: 4H4H4H4H3DH4H4H4H 7H477H7 F41R
MITUNA: WH47 4 FUCK1GN N1008
KARKAT: WAIT, YOU'RE LIKE. SOLLUX'S EQUIVALENT, I GUESS?
MITUNA: I H43 N0 1D4
MITUNA: WHR45Y Y0U 43R4R 7H4LKU1NG 840U7
KARKAT: DOES YOUR INSUFFERABLE FUCKCRUMPET NAME INCLUDE THE CASTE NAME "CAPTOR"?
MITUNA: HW30 DUD Y0U CKM0W
KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU RESEMBLE THE SHITSTAIN THAT IS SOLLUX CAPTOR, HOW ELSE?
MITUNA: WH05 501LUX
MITUNA: WH0R3R Y0U
KARKAT: I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU YOU RODHUMPING FUMING SON OF A FLYING SHIT.
MITUNA: 1 F0RG0R.
KARKAT: ARE YOU SAD AGAIN.
MITUNA: Y343
KARKAT: I BETTER NOT BE STUCK WITH YOU.
KARKAT: WHO EVEN ARE YOU?
MITUNA: M17JU7H74
KARKAT: WHAT?
MITUNA: M17U4NR
KARKAT: I. GENUINELY DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
MITUNA: N0N0JN01 L3M3M3 54YU1 17 5L0WYLYH
MITUNA: 1 G0RH7 7154 8R0
MITUNA: MMM11
MITUNA: 7HUN4444
MITUNA: L37Y R5FUCK1NG G0000000009000
KARKAT: MITHUNA?
MITUNA: 1 H4V3 4 L157P
KARKAT: YEAH, YOU'RE DEFINITELY SOLLUX'S...
KARKAT: WHATEVER YOU ARE.
MITUNA: Y0U W47N4 PL4Y 4705KM30M3 G4M345
KARKAT: LIKE WHAT?
MITUNA: ........G00D URN57510N
MITUNA: 0YU GH4V3 G4M35 0N YUR PUH3 N0N3
KARKAT: I DON'T HAVE A PHONE.
MITUNA: 3H3H45H L05R7
KARKAT: YOU'RE A LOSER! FUCK YOU.
MITUNA: FUCJKU3 Y0UYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!1!
KARKAT: WHAT'S YOUR TROLLTAG.
MITUNA: 1 0DN7 H4V3 0N3 F0 7H054R5
KARKAT: WHAT?
KARKAT: DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER, THEN?
MITUNA: MY H3LN743N7 H45 4 VC0MP7HU3R
KARKAT: OKAY, I'M SETTING UP TROLLIAN FOR YOU.
MITUNA: K
KARKAT: CHRIST, YOU HAVE A LOT OF HAIR.
MITUNA: Y34H4
KARKAT: HUH, THAT'S WEIRD.
MITUNA: WH47TH
KARKAT: IT'S NOTHING. ANYWAY, THE RANDOMLY GENERATED TROLLTAG YOU GOT WAS TEMPERAMENTALAPOCALYPTIC.
KARKAT: THAT'S LIKE YOUR USERNAME.
KARKAT: OKAY, I'VE ADDED MYSELF TO YOUR CHUMPROLL. WHICH MEANS YOU CAN MESSAGE ME.
KARKAT: TAKE IT AWAY.
temperamentalApocalyptic [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG].
TA: H3YH3 8VRP0
CG: YOU ARE EVEN HARDER TO UNDERSTAND IN TEXT, WOW.
TA: 7H51R05H7 15 04 51CJK
TA: 1 G0774 7G37 L47UL47R 0N 7H41R7 45H17
TA: 7H15 GG7H7H1F W7Y 83773R 7H7N4 GRYP3
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GRYPE.
CG: ISN'T THAT LIKE A REALLY SHITTY MESSAGING SERVICE?
TA: 50 5H717Y
CG: ALSO WHO'S.
CG: UH.
CG: "LATULATR"?
TA: L47URKL
TA: L47UL4
TA: HP0;LYU 5H107
CG: LATULA?
TA: Y4RH L47UL4
TA: 1 3D1D 1G 7 4G14N!!!!!
CG: WHO'S LATULA?
TA: 7HH35 R51CK 5H35R MY M474P315R7H71Y
CG: OH.
CG: COOL.
CG: WAIT, SHIT, I CAN'T OPEN MEMOS!
CG: WHO IN THE HEINOUS SWEET GLOBETICKLING FUCK DID THAT?
TA: L443RLR47L4HR YH0U 4R3 JU57 K4NRKR1
CG: I AM NOT JUST KANKRI. DO NOT RELATE ME TO THAT UNDULATING REPULSIVE APESHIT.
TA: 4H4HRH4HR4H 1 W4N7N4 83 7H3R4 WH34N Y0U 47Y43LL UM 7H517
CG: IF I HAD MY MEMOS I'D LET YOU WATCH.
CG: I'D ALSO LET YOU WATCH ME ROAST FUTURE AND PAST ME, WHO ARE ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS SHIT-FOR-BRAINS THAN THAT GANGRENOUS CROTCHSTAIN.
TA: FU4VCKM1GN N3RDDDDDDDDDDD
CG: SHUT UP, YOU GODDAMN SHITTING FUCKSACK.
TA: Y0U 5H717H7Y UP Y15Y4UUUUU
TA: Y0U57U5UUUUU
TA: W4D3R.
CG: WHAT A STUPID FUCKING INSULT. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.
TA: UHHHH4JRF 174R45 1K3
TA: Y04U RFUKC1NG
TA: 17K5DK K4NKR1 7HRG375 M4D WH3N 50M30N3 5U3D 175
TA: 175 L1K3 4 84D W0RFK F0R 5W434DRW33LR5
CG: OH.
CG: IS YOUR EYESIGHT SO BAD THROUGH THAT HELMET THAT YOU THINK I'M A SEADWELLER?
TA: N0
TA: W7H4 D50 1 L00K L1K3 50M3 K1D4 DU4M8455
TA: 1DNG7K M4N 401MK 50RRY4
CG: GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I END UP BECOMING FRIENDS WITH WEIRDOS LIKE YOU.
TA: 1 DUN0
TA: Y0U 4HV43 07H3R FR13ND5?
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: YOU CLEARLY FUCKING DON'T, SHITMONKEY.
TA: U35J N07 R4L3LY
TA: L1K3 517N5 M3 JN L47U4L4
TA: N TAHTTKS KINDA IT
CG: IT THERE NOT ALSO TWELVE OF YOU GUYS?
TA: 1 7H1N5K 0
CG: THAT'S GENUINELY SAD.
CG: LIKE THAT'S ACTUALLY SAD.
TA: FUCK Y0U 4D7Y0P P17Y1NG M3
CG: GOD, OKAY.
CG: WHIMSICAL SHITWEASEL.
TA: WH47 Y07H0 Y0U H43V7M F13N3D5?
CG: YES I HAVE FRIENDS.
CG: GOD, I WISH I HAD MY MEMOS.
CG: WAIT.
CG: HOW WELL CAN YOU NAVIGATE THE DREAM BUBBLES?
TA: D47R7H34M 8U88NL35L
TA: M0R345 L1K3
TA: 84DLY
CG: ... NO WONDER YOU GUYS FAILED AT SGRUB.
CG: NOT THAT WE DID MUCH BETTER.
CG: WAIT WAIT WAIT.
CG: *YOU CAN MAKE NON-TRANSTIMELINE MEMOS?!?!?*
TA: J5R4T
CG: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?!
CG: ANYWAY. YOU CAN WORK OUT MEMOS.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened new board AFTERLIFE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY
carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened new memo on board AFTERLIFE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY
CG: GUESS WHAT, FUCKERS?
CG: WE'RE SO BACK.
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.
GC: HOPY SH1T.
temperamentalApocalyptic [TA] responded to memo.
TA: H0WDY 4L7U4L4 G37 7H3R4
GC: WO4H
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO SOLLUX??
CG: TEREZI, MITUNA.
CG: MITUNA, TEREZI.
CG: HAVE FUN.
GC: M1TUN4??
GC: OHHHHHH
GC: 4R3 YOU ON3 OF TH3 D4NC3STORS?
TA: W4H74 7H3 FUCK 17H7 4 F4NC3570R?
GC: 1TS L1K3.
GC: 1 DUNNO, PORR1M 3XPL41N3D 1T B3TT3R.
CG: WHO'S PORRIM?
TA: SH3ERS A SLT
GC: SH3S COOL SH3S K4N4Y4S D4NC3STOR.
CG: WHAT. IS. A DANCESTOR.
GC: 1TS L1K3. OUR 4NC3STORS.
GC: BUT OUR 4G3.
GC: 4ND 1N TH31R UN1V3RS3 W3 4R3 TH31R 4NC3STORS
CG: THAT'S REALLY FUCKING CONFUSING.
GC: OH Y34H.
TA: 745P1DH 50UND5LY L1K3 N075 MY P-R058L3M
GC: 1T 1S 4 US3FUL WORD.
GC: W41T! >:0
GC: YOUR3 L4TUL4S M4T3SPR1T!!
GC: SH3 W4S JUST T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU!!
grlzCoolest [GC] responded to memo.
GC: sup guyzzzzzzz.
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.
CG: THIS IS GIVING ME FUCKING FLASHBACKS.
GC: h3y tun44444444!!
TA: 47H4U7JHR47U1R437H43RU7H
TA: H3Y L47U4L444444 <"£< £<£
TA: <£
TA: <3
CG: RETCH.
CG: DISGUSTING.
CG: GET YOUR LOVEY DOVEY FLUSHED BULLSHIT OUT OF MY MEMO.
TA: UXKUFJCK Y0U Y0U5 UGKC1NH CHUM8CUK37
GC: wh4t 4 c4p1t4l l loooooooooos3rrrrrrrrrr
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
GC: K4RK4T 1S K1ND4 4 LOS3R
GC: h3ll y34h, so h1gh f1v3 grl!!
GC: G3T WR3CK3D!!
CG: SAYS THE GIRL WHO LITERALLY DOOMED US BOTH.
GC: >:0
GC: >80
GC: 1s th3r3 dr4m444444??
CG: FUCK OFF, YOU FAKE RUMPUSFUCK.
CG: YOU DON'T TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SESSION, I DON'T TELL YOU ABOUT OURS.
GC: oh, tz 4lr34dy g4v3 m3 th3 down low on your s3ss1on.
CG: TEREZI, YOU ARE BEING BANNED FROM THIS MEMO.
GC: OH NO, H3S G3TT1NG B4NH34VY 4G41N.
GC: R3M3MB3R M3, TUL3Z.
GC: good luck out th3r3 grl
GC: SO WH3N 4M 1 G3TT1NG B4NN3D.
CG: IT WAS HYPERBOLE YOU DUMBFUCK.
TA: W04H 0YU 575L4L 4G473 H34CH70H37R
CG: YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME JUST NOW THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
GC: huh
TA: 4HR37H34G74YR34G714UR37G4R3U17G4R3U17G34RUY7 771R7H 3G7R37GR3 W1Y 47G4NY 4 J03K
TA: JP03R417NG1 J0KG1NGH H4H34H34HHR4H34
GC: h4h4h4 y34h tun4s 4 jok3st3r.
GC: w3 4lph4 trolls 4r3 sooooo t1ght
GC: hom13s 4 lyf333333333
CG: WOW, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
GC: H3 JUST T4LKS L1K3 TH4T, H3 DO3SNT M34N 1T.
CG: NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT.
GC: YOU T4LK L1K3 TH4T, YOU GOOB3R.
CG: LATULA, RIGHT?
GC: y34h k4nk3r-2
CG: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING WEIRD.
CG: TEREZI IS WEIRD TOO, BUT SHE'S WEIRD BECAUSE SHE JUST FUCKING DOES SHIT LIKE LICKING HER SCREEN.
CG: YOU'RE. SO WEIRD. IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAY.
GC: d4mn, you j3lly?
GC: you j3lly, m4n??
GC: j34lous of r4dgl4r3's tru w1ck3d sk1llz??
CG: YOU'RE LIKE IF THAT INSUFFERABLE STRIDER HUMAN WAS TURNED UP TO ABOUT FIVE BILLION.
GC: wh4t's 4 hum4n??
GC: 1TS L1K3 4 L1TTL3 P1NK MONK3Y
GC: TH3R3S SOM3 1N TH3 DR34M BUBBL3S, 3V3N.
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo.
TG: bro what is this.
CG: NO.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned turntechGodhead [TG] from responding to memo.
CG: AND BECAUSE THIS ISN'T TRANSTIMELINE THAT WRETCHED MOTHERFUCKER IS NOT COMING BACK.
GC: R3ST 1N P34C3 D4V3
GC: GON3 TOO SOON
GC: r.1.p.
GC: 4nyw4y, r3z, your buddy h3r3 1s so squ4r3 4nd h3's cr4mp1ng my styl3.
GC: tun4 wh4dd4 you s4y w3 dip??
CG: FINE, DIP, WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE.
CG: I'M FINDING SOMEONE REASONABLE.
CG: AND BY THAT I MEAN KANAYA.
CG: I'M GOING TO FIND KANAYA.
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo.
GA: I Am Glad You Think Of Me So Kindly
CG: OH THANK GOD.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned grlzCoolest [GC] from responding to memo.
TA: WP4HR7 W40H WH47 7HW3 FUCK
GA: You Must Be Mituna
GA: Im Kanaya
TA: FUCK0FF 817R4HCH
GA: Excuse Me
TA: Y0U H3R4RD MY
CG: IGNORE HIM, I THINK HE'S JUST LIKE THAT.
GA: I Must Say My Patience Is Limited
GA: What With Having Just Been Murdered Twice
GA: Due To The Actions Of A Certain Caped Douchebag
CG: I AM SO FUCKING SORRY, FOR THE RECORD.
GA: It Is
GA: Fine
GA: I Got Closure
CG: THAT'S.
CG: OMINOUS.
CG: ANYWAY, IT'S NOT JUST ME, RIGHT. THAT LATULA GIRL IS SUPER WEIRD.
GA: Oh
GA: I Hadnt Noticed
GA: I Suppose She Is Odd
CG: AND THE DANCESTORS GENERALLY, I GUESS.
GA: I Have Not Met Any Of Them
GC: YOU SHOULD!!
GC: YOURS 1S SUP3R COOL
GC: 4S 1S M1N3, K4RK4TS JUST J34LOUS B3C4US3 H1S 1S R34LLY 4NNOY1NG.
CG: SHE HAS ISSUES.
GC: YOU H4V3 1SSU3S!!
CG: AT LEAST I DON'T HIDE ALL MY FEELINGS BEHIND SOME WEIRD FAKE "WICKED SICK TRICKZ" FACADE.
CG: SHE'S SO ONE DIMENSIONAL IT'S WEIRD.
GA: It Is A Little Suspicious
GC: 1 M34N 1 GU3SS
GC: SH3S ST1LL R4DGL4R3 THOUGH
CG: "RADGLARE"?
CG: YOU ARE A LOST CAUSE.
GC: OH SHUT UP
GC: YOU N3V3R B3L13V3D TH1S STUFF 4BOUT 4NC3STORS 31TH3R
CG: AND YOU GOT BOTH OF US KILLED, SO FUCK YOU!
gallowsCalibrator [GC] banned themself from responding to memo.
GA: She Did
CG: ... THAT WAS FUCKING STUPID TO SAY.
GA: Oh Absolutely
GA: What Happened
CG: SOMEONE LED JACK TO US. I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS VRISKA.
CG: WE DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO FIGHT BACK BECAUSE TEREZI WAS TOO BUSY FEELING SORRY FOR HERSELF BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T KILL HER.
GA: Oh
GA: That Seems Like Vriskas Fault If You Ask Me
CG: I KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
CG: I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.
TA: Y34H4 PR377YY MUCH
CG: YOU'RE STILL HERE?!
TA: DUH
carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned temperamentalApocalyptic [TA] from responding to memo.
GA: Couldnt We Just Talk In Private
CG: I GUESS.
GA: Oh Well
GA: It Sounds Strange To Say But
GA: I Am Glad We Are Both Dead
CG: NO I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITHOUT YOU, TO BE HONEST.
GA: Talk To Yourself More Probably
CG: I GUESS, YEAH.
CG: I'M ALSO REALLY GLAD TROLLIAN STILL WORKS IN THE AFTERLIFE.
CG: FOR THAT REASON.
GA: I Am Also Glad
GA: It Is Very Lonely Here
GA: Once Aradia Left It Was Just Me
CG: I COULD TRY AND FIND YOU?
GA: I Would Appreciate That Greatly
CG: DOES THE VIEWPORT FEATURE STILL WORK?
GA: It Seems Not
GA: All Timeline Related Features Are Nonfunctional
CG: SHIT.
CG: GUESS I'LL JUST.
CG: START WALKING.
CG: HOPE I FIND YOU.
GA: I Will Do The Same
GA: We Have Eternity If I Am Not Mistaken
GA: We Will Find Each Other Eventually
CG: EVENTUALLY.
CG: I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, I GUESS.
GA: See You Around
==> Jane: Be a guy.
JUNE: so, i assume jade and the nannas have known since you started testosterone?
JANE: Hahaha. Uh. Something like that.
JUNE: ... jane.
JANE: It's really embarassing.
JUNE: come on, i cried a few weeks after i came out because jasprose said i now qualified as a homosexual, it can't be much more embarassing than that.
JANE: Um.
JANE: Okay, I didn't tell them immediately.
JUNE: how long did it take you to tell them?
JANE: ... Four weeks.
JUNE: why do you know exactly?!
JANE: Because I was four weeks on testosterone at the time!
JANE: Also half of why Nanna found out was because I'd been disappearing into the bathroom at the same time each week for the past three weeks.
JUNE: "why nanna found out"?
JANE: Well, you see, what happened was...
JANE: I was going into the bathroom to inject it.
JANE: And I was making sure to lock the door, but I guess I forgot this time?
JANE: Or maybe it's because she's a ghost. Either way, I hear her yell "JANE!" in the most horrified voice I've ever heard, turn around, suddenly realise that she definitely thinks I'm doing drugs and yell "IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"
JUNE: oh my god!
JANE: Not my finest, I'll admit.
JANE: Obviously they took it fine! But, gosh, that was terrifying.
JUNE: i can imagine...
JANE: Hey, Nanna, can I ask you something?
NANNA: You just did, dear! Hoo hoo!
JANE: Hoo hoo hoo, very funny.
NANNA: What did you want to know, Jane?
JANE: With me... transitioning and all...
JANE: I was just wondering how you felt?
JANE: I mean, I know you're fine with it, but. We are kind of the same person.
JANE: Does it feel weird is what I'm asking.
NANNA: Ah.
NANNA: The million buck question, eh.
JANE: I mean, I bet it's already kind of weird having two versions of you living in your house.
NANNA: No, no. That one's just a good time!
NANNA: It's a real headscratcher, that's for certain.
NANNA: More than anything else, it feels a little like living vicariously through you.
JANE: It does?
NANNA: I never thought that it was an option.
JANE: Well... It is. Gcatavros came out after becoming a sprite, you can transition too.
JANE: I think. Sprites are still confusing.
NANNA: I know I could.
NANNA: Perhaps I will.
NANNA: But somehow, it feels... unimportant.
NANNA: I was Jane Egbert most of my life. Now I'm Nannasprite.
NANNA: Strange as it sounds, I feel like another big change would be unnecessary.
JANE: ... I have a weird question.
NANNA: Our lives are weird! Go ahead, darling.
JANE: So... I grew up with a dead Poppop instead of a dead Nanna.
JANE: But I never got to prototype him...
NANNA: Hoo hoo! You may call me Poppop.
JANE: ...
POPPOP: Are you alright?
JANE: Yeah. Just... give me a moment.
POPPOP: Oh, dear...
[They hug]
Equius thing
If it wasn't a bit of a triggering thought right now, Equius would say that his survival was a miracle.
The little he remembers is tinted ultramarine; the rough snag of tiles catching on his vest, the high rasp of Nepeta's breath by his face, gauntleted hands against his own. The picture, however, has been painted fairly clearly.
The highblood attacked. Nepeta barely got there in time to save him.
To think. An indigoblood such as himself, one with unnatural STRENGTH, in need of saving by a wild oliveblood who disrespected the spectrum with impunity. She will learn, he always thought. Someday, she will learn better. It is better to keep her alive. It is logical to keep her alive.
I must keep her alive.
And this was all well and good, until it got flipped on it's head.
As the Green Sun became a distant shimmer, they descended into the meteor, splintering into little groups. Equius stumbled a little as Nepeta took his arm and led him aside.
"is your knee still hurt?" she asked as they disappeared into a corridor.
"... A little, yes." Equius replied. "If something is wrong, I would like to be alerted to it post-haste. I dislike this seclusion." Ordinarily, this would have been a lie, which Equius didn't approve of. However, it only takes one ambush to change one's opinion of something.
"i. uh." Nepeta leaned side to side a little. "i know that was terrifying. and that... you must be feeling pretty pawful after it."
"I feel fine."
"liar!"
"I do."
"no you don't!"
"Yes, I do."
"stop hisstracting me!!!" Nepeta giggled, her smile dropping. "it just made me... think about things. things i guess i'd been avoiding thinking about, or trying to, but. um..."
A cold sense of dread was beginning to rise in Equius. Even he could tell this was something truly serious. "What were you thinking about?"
Nepeta fidgeted, shuffled, seemed to try and start her words several times. Until finally, she sighed and looked up at Equius. "i think that it's better for both of us if we aren't moirails anymore."
That sense of dread went from a ball of ice in his core to a darn icebath. Equius stood, slightly frozen, hearing what Nepeta was saying between heartbeats.
You are within your rights to kill her for this.
"-you DON'T n33d to protect me, i can s33 that now-"
You already let off Megido far too easily. Despite your injured state, you are far and away her physical superior.
"-and you're always trying to say what i can and can't do, and i know you think you're protecting me, but-"
Someone has to restore order to these anarchists you are otherwise doomed to spend a sweep and a half among.
"-and it's not that i don't really like you, i do! i really really like you-"
"Okay."
"-and i- huh?" Nepeta replied.
"Okay." Equius repeated, feeling a little as if someone else was puppeting his voice. "That is. Okay."
Nepeta's smile was so warm and genuine it was utterly diamond-breaking. "i'm so glad you're taking it okay." she said. "we can still be furriends, too, like i said, i still like you!"
"Yes." he replied, his mind a whirlwind of every curse he could think of flung at whatever traitorous, sentimental, miniscule part of him had him say that. "I. Like you as well."
Nepeta went to take his hand, but he balled it into a fist. "oh, forgot." she said. "we should probably get back to everyone else, heehee."
"You go ahead. I. Need a moment." Equius replied.
"oh, that's fine!" Nepeta said chirpily. She ran past him with a wave. "see you!"
Equius forced his limbs not to run. Not in small part because he knew any attempt to run with his leg in the state it was in would be somewhat disastrous. But also in an attempt to seem calm and, as he put it, "Okay" with what he'd just been told.
If you were still on Alternia, that would be scandalous. What is WRONG with you.
The warrens of the meteor extended deep into its core, but he didn't intend to go quite that far. He simply stopped once he figured he was far enough from the surface to not be heard.
Then he swung his fist into one wall with all the might he could muster.
The metal tore like cardboard, naturally. That simply meant a lot of wall was torn apart in his attempt to drown out any shameful noises emerging from his throat, just as against his will as whatever RIDICULOUSLY foolish, soft bollocks he'd been saying.
"DUDE."
Equius tried to very suddenly stand straight, with absolutely no success whatsoever as his leg buckled and he fell to the floor, winding up staring at Karkat Vantas with what had to be an utterly embarrasing expression on his face.
Karkat, meanwhile, looked utterly flabbergasted. "... YOU KNOW WHAT. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU'RE UP TO."
Equius couldn't quite find his words as Karkat just. Walked past him. As if this was a perfectly reasonable occurence.
So he kind of just. Picked himself up. And walked back the way he'd came.
He only thought to wonder what Vantas had himself been doing much, much later.
D -->
"Would you happen to be Equius Zahhak?"
The question was quite unexpected, and came from the more withdrawn of the two humans. Equius had not learnt their names, and up until this very moment had not intended to pay the task much thought. Now he was mostly wondering "What on Alternia is her name?"
"Yes." he said.
"I was wondering if I could ask you a few things about Alternia." the human said.
"Oh. Very well." Equius replied, trying to conceal how unexpected this conversation was.
"Excellent." the human replied, taking a seat. "I do not believe we have been introduced, by the way. My name is Rose Lalonde." And with that, she opened a surprisingly large book and took out a pen.
The majority of her questions were based around Alternian culture, which Equius discovered that his knowledge in was spotty as she was questioning him. However, it didn't take Rose long to realise this and switch topics.
"What of the environment of Alternia?" she asked. "I haven't heard much about the planet itself. What do you know about that?"
"Well," Equius said slowly. "I would not like to boast, but I would call myself quite knowledgeable about Alternian fauna."
"Oh?" Rose replied. "Do tell."
What followed was Equius explaining every fact he could conjure from his memory about musclebeasts. Rose appeared to be the first person to ever hear one of his explanations who didn't object early on. She merely nodded and made the occasional note.
Equius's judgement of time was not the best, so he wasn't sure how long he'd been talking when Kanaya Maryam glided up to Rose. "Ah," Rose said. "It appears I am out of time. But this was fascinating."
"I am glad to hear that." Equius replied. "Perhaps we could continue another time."
"Oh, most certainly." Rose said. As she closed her book and walked away, Equius caught a glimpse of her writing.
Strange. He was sure he hadn't said "overall quite textbook case of autism spectrum disorder" at any point.
D -->
Despite Rose seemingly considering him a reliable source on Alternian wildlife (which was an honour exacerbated once she explained the purpose of her journalling was to have a record for future generations), Equius still found himself sorely missing Nepeta's presence. He was not particularly familiar with the other meteor-bound heroes, and knew their opinions of him were less than stellar. Not that he was particularly fond of Vantas, especially once he started spending extended periods of time with The Highblood of all people. (But of course, that was just the rumor)
This was until he was approached by Kanaya one day.
"Before You Say Anything Be Aware That I Am Here At Rose's Behest." she said.
"What is there that she cannot say herself?" Equius asked.
"She Has Recently Revealed Her Several Observations Of You, Chief Among Which Is Apparently That You 'could use assistance in socialising'." Kanaya replied.
"... I beg your pardon?"
"I Am Exactly As Confused About What This Entails As You Are." Kanaya said.
vris shouts at spider
thistleTigress began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:32
TT: I don't mean to interrupt what I am sure is a riveting trip to the grocery store,
EB: what, is something wrong?
EB: i'll come back as quickly as possible, i'm just stuck at the cashiers.
TT: No, no, nothing's *wrong*, per se.
TT: I'll just send you a clip.
TT: 343857hjffsghsf8347.mp4
EB: is vriska...?
TT: Shouting at a spider, yes.
EB: well. that's not THAT weird, all things considered.
TT: It's not that she's shouting. It's that she's talking to this, let's be clear, *perfectly ordinary Earth C arachnid*, as if it is some random citizen that wandered into our house.
TT: She is all but telling it to get off of our lawn.
TT: We don't even have a lawn.
EB: maybe it's because of her spidermom?
TT: Clearly, yes, it is because of her Spidermom.
TT: Oh, now she's telling me to "Stop laughing" and asking "What are you looking at".
TT: I told her she's going to go viral.
EB: don't actually upload the video.
TT: Of course not. 'Tis merely a piece in the enormous puzzle that is our elaborate mind game.
EB: ... okay.
TT: I did call her old, though.
EB: we're all old!
TT: She doesn't seem to think so.